So, you’ve decided to move. Congratulations! You’ve just voluntarily entered one of life’s most soul-crushing, wallet-draining, sanity-destroying events—right after divorce and explaining crypto to your parents.
Step 1: Accept That This Is Going to Suck (But You Can Still Save Money)
First, let’s get one thing straight: you will suffer. Your back will hurt. You will question your life choices. But hey, if you rent the right moving truck, at least you won’t also die financially.
Step 2: Choose the Right Truck Size (Or Risk Crying on the Curb at Midnight)
If you rent a truck that’s too small, you’ll either end up making 14 trips or abandoning your IKEA bookshelf like a dead body in an alley. Too big, and you’re wasting money and possibly running over mailboxes.
- Studio: 10-12 ft truck (and minimal emotional baggage)
- 2-3 bedrooms: 15-20 ft truck (plus repressed trauma)
- Mansion or just emotionally attached to everything you own: 22-26 ft beast
Pro tip: Always size up. It’s cheaper than replacing your grandmother’s armoire because you strapped it to the roof like a psychopath.
Step 3: Pick a Rental Company That Doesn’t Hate You
There are a few companies that will “help” you move. Here’s how they stack up in terms of price, quality, and emotional damage:
1. U-Haul
- Pros: Cheap, everywhere, smells like desperation
- Cons: Trucks may have seen war. Not legally, but spiritually.
2. Penske
- Pros: Reliable, cleaner, better for long trips
- Cons: Slightly more expensive—like paying extra for a therapist who actually listens
3. Budget
- Pros: Discounts for AAA members and the clinically depressed
- Cons: Trucks may or may not start. It’s a surprise every time.
Money-saving tip: Search for promo codes like your rent depends on it—because it probably does. Try RetailMeNot before you mortgage your soul for a deposit.
Step 4: Don’t Move on Popular Days (Unless You Love Paying Double and Dying Inside)
Moving on the 1st, 15th, or a weekend? Great. So is everyone else. Enjoy fighting strangers for hand trucks and parking space like it’s the Black Friday of broken dreams.
Move mid-week and mid-month for better rates. And fewer witnesses when you scream at your dresser for not fitting through the door.
Step 5: Know the Hidden Costs That Will Slowly Eat Your Soul
- Fuel: You’ll spend more on gas than you did on your last three therapy sessions combined.
- Mileage fees: Oh, you thought that base rate was all? That’s adorable.
- Insurance: You’ll need it unless you plan on crash-testing the truck into a Starbucks for fun.
Return the truck full of gas and less full of regrets. Or pay $9 per gallon and feel the weight of every bad decision you’ve ever made.
Step 6: Avoid These Rookie Mistakes (or Embrace the Darkness)
- Not reading the contract: That’s how you end up paying $300 for “tire wear due to excessive sobbing.”
- Not checking the truck: Document every scratch. Every dent. Every piece of emotional baggage it comes with.
- Returning it late: Every extra hour is like being charged for your own incompetence. Which, frankly, is fair.
Dark Tips for Dark Times: Save Money Like Your Rent Depends on It (Because It Does)
- Throw things away: If it hasn’t “sparked joy” since 2012, it belongs in the dumpster. With your dignity.
- Free boxes: Hit up grocery stores, liquor stores, or your neighbor’s recycling bin. Fight the rats for the good ones.
- Pack your own stuff: Movers charge by the hour and judge by the pound.
- Friends + pizza: It’s cheaper than hiring help and only slightly more toxic emotionally.
Top Sites to Compare Truck Rental Prices (Because Capitalism Never Sleeps)
- Move.org – For when you want a side-by-side of who’ll screw you the least.
- TruckRental.net – Pretending to care about your financial well-being since 1999.
- RentalTrucksOnline.com – UI straight out of 2007, but the discounts are real.
Final Thoughts from the Bottom of the Moving Box
Moving is a journey. Not the fun kind with sunsets and acoustic guitars. The kind that ends with you covered in sweat, debt, and packing tape.
But hey, at least you’re not paying movers $200 an hour to break your TV. You’re doing it yourself. Like a hero. A broke, tired, slightly unhinged hero.
So rent that truck, curse at your furniture, and remember: moving is temporary. Regret is forever.